Orphans with Special Needs | Wide Awake Family

All About Vladik: One Year Free

Posted on September 16, 2016 by kimnjed

Two days ago we celebrated one year of freedom for our sweet Vladik. Our miracle boy spent the day at a Hungarian water park (long story…for another post) discovering his great love for enormous water slides. He ran and played and splashed, yelling “Mom, look! Dad, watch me!” He watched his brothers and sisters do things he was nervous to do, then conquered his fears and tried for himself. He ate ice cream and pizza and laughed and asked “Blue slide again?”

He truly lived.

On one hand I can hardly believe a whole year has passed since Vladik came out of Romaniv forever, but mostly it feels like a lifetime ago. When I go to Romaniv these days I can hardly picture him there. He is truly a different child.

It’s interesting because if you ask anyone who visited Romaniv and met Vladik there they would all tell you how happy he was. He was always laughing and smiling. ALWAYS. But now that we truly know him we can see his behavior then for what it really was. Yes, he was smiling, and yes he laughed a lot, but he was also afraid- ALL THE TIME. His body showed his fear in the way he held himself; his shoulders scrunched up, his head down, full-on protection mode at every moment. His laugh seemed happy, but now we know that laugh as the nervous, afraid laugh that shows up when he is unsure. If you asked him for a hug he would sort of back up toward you and lean a shoulder in. You could see he was compliant but he didn’t feel comfortable and he didn’t enjoy it. He was afraid of physical contact and always on guard. He had a bright countenance that I believe came from the Lord, but it was just a dim flicker compared to how he shines now.

The boy we knew at Romaniv was a shadow of the boy we know now. And the boy we know now is amazing.

Passport photo 2015

Passport photo 2016

He is funny and loves to make his siblings laugh. He comes up to me several times a day with his arms open as wide as possible, asking for a hug. He adores Bluebell, our puppy, and could play with her for hours. He likes ice cream and potatoes and pizza and soup. He’s a daredevil and wants everything faster and higher and louder. His bike is his most prized possession. He and Seth are still thick as thieves and when they get too quiet I know something is up…typical brothers. 😉 He speaks English and Ukrainian and a mish-mash of the two that can only be described as “Vladik speak”. Oh, and he pretty much never stops talking. Motor.Mouth.

We think Vladik is doing miraculously well. His transition to our family has been amazingly smooth. BUT 15 years of institutionalization, 11 of those in a bad place, can not be erased in one year. We have so many wonderful moments, and we also have so many difficult moments. Parenting a child who has lived a lifetime of trauma is no joke. It requires constant reassurance and truckloads of patience (of which I am guilty of running short). Just when you think you’ve conquered a certain behavior or fear something triggers and you go ’round the mountain again…and again.

Put your arms down. No beeping. We’re going home soon. Put your arms down. No beeping. If you want to talk to someone just say “hi”, you don’t need to make strange noises to get attention. No beeping. Put your arms down. And on and on…

It’s no secret that extra struggles come with the fact that we are back in Ukraine. Most every other internationally adopted child I know leaves their institutional life and it is over and gone for good; new life, new memories, old life gone forever. That will never be Vladik’s reality. Romaniv has stayed and will stay a part of his life. It is our life. As much as we would love for him to, he doesn’t ever get to fully forget. We will never ever take him to Romaniv again, and we tell him that all the time, but he knows we go there and he hears us talk of it daily. Some people might think it’s cruel of us to bring him back here where he is constantly reminded of his past. We know that. We know, and our only response is “God said so.” Just like our other children have an unusual life because of what God has called our family to, so it is with Vladik. And just like we trust that God is caring for our other children and giving them what they need, so it is with Vladik. When we chose to say yes to adopting Vladik we knew this would be his reality and still we knew that we knew God was saying to make him our son. So we did.

Annnnnd God is making a way for our boy, even here in Ukraine. He is surrounded by our team who knew him when he was an orphan and know him now. In their eyes he is a celebrity. He is what we dream of for all of our boys, in the flesh. His presence in our church here in Ukraine brings hope and refreshment to those who work tirelessly on behalf of the ones Vladik left behind. He brings joy wherever he goes. 🙂

A local private school welcomed all our kids with open arms, including Vladik. He gets to do PE, music, and art with the fifth grade, while having individual lessons the rest of the day. I get to make his lesson plans and our dear friend has agreed to teach him. She loves Vladik and sees him for the beautiful soul that he is. Their lessons start next month and I can’t wait to see how he thrives. So far the kids at the school have been kind and accepting of Vladik. We are thankful.

He gets to attend a weekly class at Mission to Ukraine where he will be treasured and valued. Full circle.

The other day we were visiting a beautiful basilica in Budapest. We decided to pay the fee and go see the inside of the building. We approached the cashier and when he saw Vladik he smiled so warmly. He almost pushed us into the church, “You don’t pay! Please, please go for free” he exclaimed with a kind pat on Vladik’s back, and a look of tenderness in his eyes. I could see there was no pity there, only love. Oh man, the tears were flowing. That man, he saw the beauty of our boy. There was no look of disgust, no disdain, no mouth-hanging-open staring. There was love. For me that moment was a gift from God. It felt like God was whispering over us “See, I see your boy, and I’m watching over him.”

Vladik’s healing is a long road, but he is definitely well on his way. He is absolutely flourishing and growing and LIVING. We will never ever be the same because he is our son. He is our gift and I pray we never take him for granted.

The Beauty and the Grief of Older Child Adoption

Posted on June 3, 2016 by kimnjed

Vladik will turn 16 next month. It will be the celebration of the century, because our baby finally has a family. I can’t wait to celebrate the life of our boy. He is a warrior. He is a survivor. I can’t wait to shower him with love and attention. I can’t wait to show him with song and cake and presents and word and hugs that he is special; he is loved; he is wanted.

After 15 years of nothingness, he was CHOSEN.

Older child adoption is a tough thing. It is a scary thing. It is not something to go into without much prayer and consideration, just like with any adoption. Every adoption has the scary unknowns. Adoption is a leap of faith and there is no “easy” adoption. Adoption is just hard. Beautiful and hard. 🙂 But it’s different with older child adoption, isn’t it? You can’t erase the cold hard facts that are years and so.much.time gone by. It makes a difference.

Vladik had 15 years of life without us. He has 15 years worth of memories and trauma and pain and stress and fears, and we weren’t there. We weren’t there to comfort him. He was in a very unsafe, very traumatic, very scary place and there was no mommy and daddy to fight for him. It kills me to think of it.

Our friends at Mission to Ukraine (MTU) and Bible Orphan Ministry (BOM) have told us about what Romaniv was like when they first visited: MTU 8 years ago and BOM 10, maybe 12 years ago. Before BOM first visited there had been no outsiders ever, that we know of. The boys were like wild animals, the conditions appalling and disgusting, the staff overworked and hopeless. Romaniv looks amazing these days, compared to what was, and even today it is a place that turns sweet little boys into lifeless shells. It is a bad place today. No child should have to spend one night there. It was even worse before.

And my Vladik was there. Sent to Romaniv as a tiny, chubby-cheeked four year old, he was there before there was hope.

I got this picture in my inbox this morning from Bible Orphan Ministry. It’s from a time soon after Vladik’s transfer. Oh my baby. If only we had known you. If only we could have gotten to you sooner…

What grief. All that time lost. All that time, as his view of the world was being shaped, he was living in hell.

The grief of older child adoption can not be ignored. They have simply waited so long, and because of that, the healing is slow and tedious, and sort of like an onion. So many layers of pain and fear need to be peeled away- and they don’t come off easily. So many unhealthy learned behaviors. Survival of the fittest. In constant fight or flight- for 15 years.

I needed to see that picture today. I needed to be reminded of where Vladik came from because I can easily forget. The longer he is with us, the more I forget all the years before.

Lately he seems to have taken some steps back in his healing. We’ve seen more guarding, more anxiety, more institutional behaviors, less receptiveness to physical affection, more tears. Somehow I guess I thought we had won those battles. We were already over those mountains, and I found myself becoming impatient, not wanting to climb them again. I was growing annoyed with the institutional behaviors. I was impatient with the tears. I was less nurturing and more “buck up bucko”. 😉

Then that picture popped up. How could I have forgotten???? I mean Romaniv is always on my mind. I never forget Romaniv. My babies are there, they are always in my heart, in my thoughts, on my brain. But how could I have forgotten about all those years…all those minutes, all those moments that Vladik endured in that place? FIFTEEN YEARS. Fifteen years can not be undone in 9 months. Sure, progress can be made, but we’re talking reprogramming EVERYTHING. We are talking about starting at square one and learning anew EVERYTHING.

And in that relearning comes the beauty of older child adoption.

Redemption.

We get the honor and privilege of showing Vladik with our actions and with our words that things don’t have to be the way they were.

When you are hurt you can cry, you don’t need to laugh, because mommy will come to you.

When you are unsure in a new situation, you don’t need to hold your ears and make loud noises to fill the space, because mommy and daddy are here and we will guide you.

When you have free time and you aren’t sure what you should do next, you don’t need to bang the walls or pace or rock because your brother will play basketball with you. Your sister will cuddle you and watch your favorite cartoon. Your daddy will take you on a motorcycle ride. 🙂

When you worry about having enough food or if your body is safe or about your feet that are so different, don’t. We will always feed you. Your body will be safe even without long sleeves. You will always have socks to cover your feet.

Look what God says!

“…Behold, I am making all things new.”Revelation 21:5
“He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

God loves our kids so much, and He is all about redemption.

In an older child adoption we get to start over. We get to watch the redemption and we get to see our child grow from a frail, cowering little boy into a strong, outgoing teenager with a smile that lights up our world and a basketball shot that amazes us all. If you would have told me 10 years ago that God would give us a 15 year old son from a rural mental institution and he would be one of our greatest surprises, greatest treasures ever….I’m not sure I would have believed you! We are so thankful that God knows best.

If you are considering older child adoption, please don’t shy away. The battle is uphill, but the view at the top is beautiful. No child is beyond hope. No child is too far gone. After all, an older child is still just a child, and every child deserves to have a family.

These two older children are boys that I know and love with all my heart. They live where Vladik used to live. They are precious, and deserving, and they have waited too long. Would you please consider adding one of them to your family and being a part of their redemption story? Email me if you have any questions about them. PS: They are each eligible for a $10,000 adoption grant through Reece’s Rainbow!

http://reecesrainbow.org/90768/aaron-2

http://reecesrainbow.org/91925/stephan

Wide Awake Property!

Posted on May 17, 2016 by kimnjed

Jed came back to Oregon on Friday after spending the last month in Ukraine. He had a great, full time working with our church community, interns, spending time with the boys, working on a special project, meeting with partners, and generally just gettin’ stuff done.
One HUGE, major, important thing he has been working on during his last two trips has been scouting out land for us to purchase. The dream of Wide Awake is deinstitutionalization. We want our boys out. In order to get them out we have to have somewhere for them to live, right? Right. We don’t want them to live just anywhere. We want them to live in nature, surrounded by beauty and land and gardens and fruit trees and people who love them. We want them in a neighborhood, not in isolation. We want them to have occupation, purpose: working the land to help provide for themselves as they are able. That dream requires a special piece of land, and Jed has been on the hunt for the perfect place.

We think he’s found it!

The land he found is approximately 1.3 acres and will be a great beginning spot for our first three Wide Awake homes. It is in a village a couple kilometers from Zhytomyr, has an existing reeeeeeeally old home on it, and space to build 2 other cottages. Thanks to our outrageously generous donors and outlandish end-of-the-year giving, we have the funds to purchase the land and renovate the house (it has no indoor plumbing…yikes!). We plan to add an ADA standard addition to the house as soon as we have the money for it.

Things are getting very, very exciting.

The current plan is that Jed will return to Ukraine mid-June to purchase the land on behalf of Wide Awake. We are also beginning the process, as a family, to obtain Ukrainian permanent residency. Because we are the parents of a Ukrainian citizen, we have the possibility of permanent residency, and that will work in our favor on many levels.

As a family, we are planning to return to Ukraine at the end of July or the first week of August. The idea is that we will live in the old house and four boys will live in the addition with loving caretakers. There are four boys, actually men, who turn 35 this year. We need to be ready to intercept them before they are sent to an adult institution. That means we need to move quickly and be ready for them come winter.

It’s crazy. It’s all becoming more real every day. There are many, many logistics to work out as far as care of the boys goes. Three of the boys we hope to bring home are non-interactive. If you were to visit Romaniv you would not notice them. We weren’t even confident of their names until they were confirmed on paper. The nannies didn’t know their names. They are some of the ones who sit on benches all day every day, alone in their own minds. They are not very receptive to human touch and do not respond much to interaction of any kind. The fourth boy is social and interactive. Everyone knows him and loves him. They are all survivors. Anyone who has lived that long in Romaniv is a survivor and we believe their potential is great. You know, we are ready to love them just as they are. We have hopes and dreams for them: hope for healing, dreams for full lives, but if all they ever know is that they are safe and loved and they never resp0nd to us as we dream- that’s okay. They are our sweet boys and we love them. They deserve the best.

So, one step at a time we move forward. There are many unknowns, so please pray for us that we are not fearful and that we will simply listen and obey. It’s easy to get overwhelmed when we think of the big picture. We really need to hear from God.

We can not thank you enough for giving of your love, your finances, and your prayers. This would be absolutely impossible without people praying and giving money. There is no way we could do any of this on our own. THANK YOU for journeying with us. It’s about to get crazy up in here, so stick around and enjoy the ride!

If you would like to give a donation specifically for the Wide Awake Building Fund you can do so here.

The First Time

Posted on April 20, 2016 by kimnjed

Four years ago today we met our boys for the first time.

On that day we had no idea that those beautiful boys would become the loves of our lives. We had no idea they would become our mission, our dream, our passion, our dearest friends.

Jed and I had arrived in Ukraine just days before on a crazy adventure. We landed in Ukraine knowing not a single person, nor a single word of Ukrainian or Russian (don’t try that at home). All we knew was that God was calling us. He had children in Ukraine that we were supposed to respond to somehow. We had been praying and dreaming and looking at pictures and it had become clear that we HAD to travel to Ukraine to see for ourselves. We had to smell the smells, see the sights, touch, feel, listen. Only then would we know God’s next steps for our family.

Our first day in Ukraine

We made a handful of email contacts, “We want to serve children with disabilities…can we come see what you do?” We stayed in hostels, fumbled with public transportation and had an adventure we would never forget.

On the day we were to visit Romaniv for the first time with our now partner organization, Mission to Ukraine, we had butterflies in our stomachs. I remember Jed and I both wondering how we would feel when we met the boys. Our hearts had been broken for orphans with disabilities in Ukraine, but we had never actually met any of them. What if we got to the orphanage and were too overwhelmed? What if the sights and smells and sounds would be too much for us? We so desired to give our lives to them, but what if our bodies rejected that dream? What if our humanness held us back?

I remember when we walked into the first room, empty of things except benches against the walls.

And boys. So many boys. Our babies.

They walked toward us with arms outstretched and soon we were swarmed by them.

It smelled so.bad. The smell took my breath away.

The boys looked unlike any people I had ever seen before. The neglect was unreal. I had moments of panic as they reached for me, unsure how to respond to them, unsure of what they would do.

The sounds assaulted my ears: moaning, crying, and shrieking intermingled with laughter and words I didn’t understand.

It was completely overwhelming in every possible way.

And yet.

I remember so clearly the moment when Jed and I made eye contact through the crowd. I glanced over at him wondering if I could tell from his face what he was thinking. Personally, I was both totally freaked out and totally in love at the same time. My heart was exploding and I knew. I just knew THIS was what God made me for. I looked over at Jed, his body surrounded by boys on all sides, and our eyes met. His eyes were full of tears. He nodded at me like “Yep, this is it.”

I wonder what we would have said if God had let us in on the little secret that we had met our future son that day? Wow. 🙂

IMG_5731-0
The rest is history. After that trip we came home, founded Wide Awake, left our jobs, passed off our church responsibilities, sold everything, and moved to Ukraine.

We thought we would serve at Romaniv for a year and then maybe move on to an institution further south, but after one year we knew we could never leave. We were made to love those boys. Our lives were not complete without them. Our children had grown to love them. How could we walk away?

And so, we press on. We step forward with the dream to get our boys to safety. It is our joy to serve them as long as God allows us.

I am in awe of all God has done in four short years. He has raised up a team of young people to join us in this beautiful work. Their love and committment to the boys is incredible. He has given us relationship and favor with orphanage administration. He has brought along partners to support the work. He has given us interns and teachers. He has moved the hearts of adoptive families to come rescue their sons. He gave us our Vladik. He has provided funds in miraculous ways and Jed is in Ukraine right now looking at land to purchase for the first group homes. Our God doesn’t mess around!

All the awesomeness that God is doing, we couldn’t see any of that on that day four years ago. We couldn’t foresee how He would care for us and pave the way. We couldn’t imagine how His love for the boys would trump every opinion that said nothing could ever change. All we knew was that God was asking us to say yes. We can’t see what He will be doing in four years from now, but it’s okay. All he is asking is for us to say yes and to keep walking.

So today, all you need to do is say yes. You don’t need to know all the details. You don’t need to have it all figured out. Just listen to what the Father is saying and join Him in His work. SAY YES! This life is short and we only get one shot at it. We don’t have time to focus on our own comfort. This life is but a blink of an eye.

Look with eternal eyes. Be brave. Have faith.

It will be scary. It will be hard. It will be uncomfortable. It might smell bad and be really noisy and dirty and messy. Oh but the joy, the joy that comes with that mess is worth it all.

Don’t be afraid. Say yes today and trust your Father.

He is good.

IMG_4156 - Copy photo 2 (27)

UNBELIEVABLE.

Posted on March 16, 2016 by kimnjed

I am in awe. My heart is so full it’s about to burst.

Another one of our boys will soon have a family!!!

I.CAN’T.BELIEVE.IT.

Last March we introduced you to 7 of our boys who were available for adoption in this post, and this post. I held my breath and hit the publish button, wondering what God planned to do about it. For many months it seemed that nothing was going to happen. And then all of a sudden…BAM! The families started rollin’ on in! We now have FOUR families in process to adopt our boys!

Like I said, I.CAN’T.BELIEVE.IT.

God loves our boys so much!

First Vladik was set free,

then a wonderfully brave family found Alex,

then a family saw Jonathan and knew he was theirs,

then Ben’s family fell in love,

and now Isaiah’s family has found him!

I can’t even tell you how much this builds our faith. We love these boys like they are our own, and we know that adoption will save their lives. Literally.

The gates of the institution are about to be busted wide open!

As long as everything moves smoothly, the families should be adopting one after the other in a pretty small window of time. This is so good! It’s great for the local government to learn that there are people who love these boys and see their value. It is also great for us as we work toward opening our group homes and deinstitutionalizing the other boys. People’s eyes will be opened and we pray that God does His miraculous work in the hearts of government officials in the town. It’s just unbelievable.

Please pray for the four families who are in process. All of them are private at this point, but as soon as I am able to introduce you to them you can bet I will. If you would like to give them a note of encouragement just send it to me and I’ll pass it along.

To God be the glory for the great things HE has done!!!

PS: Now only two adoptable boys are left! I’ll spend the next two Fatherless Fridays on Aaron and Stephan. My faith is big right now, what about yours?