the kiddos | Wide Awake Family

Seventeen.

Posted on July 25, 2017 by kimnjed

Today our Vladik is 17 years old. SEVENTEEN! What in the world?

He has grown so much in every way over this past year. Soon we’ll celebrate 2 years home for our boy and I’m amazed at what a different person he has become.

He is daring and funny and creative and talkative.

If anyone in our family loses anything or is looking for any item they know they just need to go ask Vlad. He knows where everything is.

Vladik speaks more Ukrainian than English these days. He is fluent in both, can understand and speak both, but his go-to language for speaking is Ukrainian. I’m sure our home sounds funny to outsiders. The rest of us speak English at home, but then Vladik is always inserting his funny version of “Ukrainienglish”. I don’t even notice it anymore and we can understand everything he says, so it’s no problem for us. It’s only really a problem when he is speaking to anyone outside of our family that hasn’t spent much time with him. Then our family becomes translators. I can say “Speak English” or “Speak Ukrainian” (depending on the audience) a million times over, but Vladik is going to say what he wants to say, how he wants to say it. He’s stubborn like that. 😉

His favorite foods have stayed the same since Day 1. His birthday food requests were “kasha” for breakfast (Cream of Wheat) and borscht with mashed potatoes for dinner. Some things never change. Hehe.

Speaking of food, in true teenage boy form, he is going to eat us out of house and home. Vladik eats more than any other person in our family- by far. He is a bottomless pit. BOTTOMLESS.

He was sure that when he turned 17 he would be able to drive a car. Sorry bud. Not happening.

Moving to the village has been the best thing ever for Vladik. He’ll spend hours outside building things with spare wood he finds around the property. He loves to ride his bike up and down our road, giving rides to the little neighbors.

Emotionally he is growing and changing as well. We have a ways to go there, and will probably always be working toward healing, but he is coming along bit by bit. Vladik is starting to exert more of his will, arguing a bit and back talking a little, but those are good things! Annoying in the moment, yes (grrrr), but actually good. He isn’t so super eager to please out of fear or insecurity. He knows his place in our family and isn’t afraid to speak up. Those are big changes.

Vladik is so loved by our community here. It blesses our hearts. Our church family adores him. The neighbor kids in the village accepted him from the moment we moved in. We’ll have a party for him on Saturday and his guest list is super long. He knows he’s a popular dude.

Overall Vladik is happy and thriving. He fits perfectly into our family and we love him dearly. His journey, our journey has not been easy. We have many hard times and parenting Vladik takes a ton of effort. But, in general, he has transitioned into life in our family better than we ever could have imagined. He is just so smart and wonderful. I can’t even imagine him still living at Romaniv. It’s absurd! His life is so full!

I can’t wait to give the same opportunity to many of his friends who were left behind. I can’t wait to share blogs about their birthdays and Gotcha Day anniversaries. Soon, soon, soon. 🙂

But today we celebrate our boy and the wonderful gift that he is to us.

We love you Vladislav Christopher. Happy Birthday!!

Parenting Overseas: When Kids Become Partners

Posted on April 13, 2017 by kimnjed

Benefit #33 of our kids’ school: Extended Easter Break. Three cheers for Catholic schools! The kids are off today (Thursday), Good Friday, and the Monday after Easter! It’s like Spring Break #2 and we couldn’t be happier.

I’ve been thinking lately about how my parenting has changed by us living overseas. I think it’s hard to differentiate between the changes that come from living outside our native culture, and the changes that come just by having older kids. I think one major difference that comes with our location is the freedom and independence our kids can experience at younger ages.

Back when we lived in the US I used to read about “Free Range Parenting” and wish that was more possible for my kids. I’m pretty sure no one could have ever accused me of being a helicopter parent, but I did always wish for more opportunities for my kids to learn independence at a younger age. That sounds great, but is stinkin’ hard to do in American suburbia! It’s hard to teach independence when the city bus routes are super inconvenient and expensive. It’s nearly impossible when the city plans are made for driving and not for walking. Cell phones are expensive and pay phones are nearly non-existent. In my humble opinion, the culture of ultra-protection of kids also makes it really difficult for well-meaning parents to provide opportunities for their kids to learn and make mistakes and recover without repercussions from outside sources. It felt like for our kids to learn their way out and about without adults they would need to wait until they were 16 and could drive! I know there are creative workarounds for parents who are really intentional about teaching independence, but it just never felt quite natural like I wished for. You know?

I didn’t realize how moving to Ukraine would make it easier for me to be the kind of parent my heart longed to be, in that regard. In Ukraine we have opportunities a’plenty for our kids to explore and learn and even be forced into situations where they have to think for themselves and be independent. It’s just built into the culture! There are some parts of Ukrainian culture that I imagine are similar to American culture back when my parents were kids. I like that.

Public transportation in our city is cheap and super easily accessible. Our kiddos come home from school by themselves on city buses most days. It’s totally normal to see a kid Hava’s age (8) on the bus alone or walking alone down the street. Hava and Seth can go to the store by themselves and get me a few grocery staples. No one bats an eye that my 6 year old is at the store by himself (unless he’s not dressed warmly enough..hehe). It’s AWESOME. I love it because I KNOW my kids can do it, and they feel so proud of themselves when they are successful.

The little store down the street from our house is an old Soviet type store where you have to go up to the counter and ask the cashier for what you want. The thing is, there aren’t really lines. Whichever customer is the quickest or loudest gets their voice heard first. Our Seth is super shy. The first time he went by himself to get me bread he must have been gone for more than 20 minutes. I kinda started to worry a bit, but I knew he was fine, so I just waited. When he finally came home I found out he had been too embarrassed to pipe up and ask for the bread so he just stood there and waited until the store was completely empty and the cashier finally asked him what he wanted. 🙂 But he learned that day and he was so proud of himself when he came home with the bread!

Our Addy is 13 and is off right now with two friends from school, out and about in the city. She took the bus to meet them and later they’ll find a bus that will take them to youth group. She has a cheap little phone that she uses to call me and let me know she’s okay. It’s AWESOME! She has learned which buses to use and how to get where she wants to go most places in the city. I’m so happy for her that she has that chance to be independent and I’m also happy that we don’t have to drive her all over town so she can see her friends! Ha!

The big ol’ language issue also changes our parenting, and I haven’t quite figured out how I feel about it. 😉 Back when we lived in the US and I worked as a nurse on the pediatric floor of our hospital it was extremely common for us to treat Spanish-speaking families. I remember so many times when the parents couldn’t speak much English and they would have their child translating for them. We would use a medical translator for official communication, but for just basic conversation I remember always feeling relieved when there was a school-age kiddo in the room who could help us communicate with mom and dad. I also remember thinking in the back of my mind “Why don’t these parents learn English? Certainly they don’t want to live their lives with their kids better understanding the world around them and translating for them!”

Yeah, I can give a definitive answer on that one. Those parents didn’t want their kid in the driver’s seat of communication, but guess what? You get desperate and it happens. And in those important moments it’s better to have your kid there to help you rather than no one at all. Guess how I know? Yep. Been there done that. Last week.

We’ve gotten to the point where our kids’ language is better than ours. NOOOOOOOO! I swore I wouldn’t let it happen, but it has. They are immersed in Ukrainian 5 hours a day and I’m not. It was bound to happen. I guess I just didn’t expect it to happen so fast. Now when we’re out and about and I need to understand something I’ll make sure all the kids are listening too, so that if I miss it I can know that somebody will understand. Addy has the best language and I find myself looking to her for help way more than I’d like to admit. The other day I had the kids at the dentist and the dentist actually looked at Addy and said “I want you to listen really good so that you can help your mom understand.” OMG. Low point. I made sure Addy knew, after the fact, that I had indeed understood the dentist (well, at least 70% or so…). Ahem.

It’s funny how that lack of understanding, or handicap in communication kind of changes your relationship with your kids in small ways. Adults will look to my kids when relaying information, assuming they will understand better than I will. And sometimes they’re right- especially at school. In some ways, and in some moments it changes our role to more like partners with our kids, rather than us moving in the more traditional roles. We’re all working together to make sense of a strange new world, rather than us adults understanding the world and teaching our kids how it all works. It can be a bit unnerving, especially when we’re talking about partnering with a first-grader, but I think I like it. It causes the kids to take more responsibility for themselves, rather than all the responsibility being on us parents. I know I like that.

All of this learning and growing and digging in roots in a different culture that we are still learning to understand is a heckuva lot of work. It’s stretching and confusing and painful much of the time. But, there are also beautiful parts of it that are unexpected blessings. The partnership with our kids and family teamwork is one of those unexpected blessings. The natural independence training is also an extra blessing. Sometimes it’s mind-blowing to consider how extremely different our kids’ childhoods are than our own, but I have to believe that there are things they are learning by living this curious life that they absolutely need for their futures.

So, steady on, my friends. This parenting gig is no joke, but God will give us everything we need for our specific children. We can trust Him on that one.

Shoe Debates, Friendly Pack Mules, and Spring is Here!

Posted on March 14, 2017 by kimnjed

I’m happy to report that THE SNOW IS GONE. The streets are (mostly) dry(ish) and the debate over which shoes to wear has simmered down a bit. In my previous life, in Oregon, the debate over which shoes to wear was mild and was simply a matter of “is it raining or not.” If it’s raining, you can’t wear Toms. If it’s not raining, Toms it is! I mean, I was most likely just going to be dashing across a parking lot if the weather was less than optimal, so making the best choice in footwear was not the end all.

In Zhytomyr in the winter, the shoe debate is real. It is intense. One does not simply throw on a pair of shoes and prance out the door without a care in the world! No, no, no. One is most likely going to be walking a fair distance out in the elements and waiting at bus stops. One must consider the level and freshness of the snow, the amount of ice, the wetness or dryness of said ice and snow. On some days we have rivers for sidewalks, and on others we have ice skating rinks for sidewalks. Rivers and ice skating rinks call for different shoes, different strategies. One must also consider the distance to be walked and the condition of the sidewalks en route. If I’m taking out the trash and heading that direction, I need to prepare for mudslides (and dead cats, apparently). If I’m walking down our road in the opposite direction there will be less mud, but a lake or two to be traversed, so that must be taken into account. We’ve become quite adept at deciphering the sheen on the ice and navigating the sidewalks in the safest, non-broken-hip-est manner. Skillzzzzzzz.

My favorite boots for walking in mildly cold, non-snowy weather currently have a break in the sole, so my right foot is bound to get wet. I keep forgetting to take them for repair, so if I want warm, dry feet my only choice are my snow boots. But snow boots without snow are a little more Napoleon Dynamite than I’m willing to go, so I usually opt for the wet foot. Why not just get the shoe repaired you might ask? Yeah, I know. It’s a mixture of forgetfulness, procrastination, and fear of doing new things and not knowing how or what is expected of me. I guess in the end I just opt for the wet foot. Don’t judge.

All that to say, soon warmth will come, summer will come, and along with it, fewer and fewer shoe debates. We will happily pack away the snow boots and non-snow boots. Multiply that by 7 people and it equals 28 fewer shoes in my entry way and 500 times more peace in my heart. (Shoe clutter is my nemesis.)

Beautiful dry, snowless, puddless sidewalk!

You know what else comes with warm weather? Visitors! We’re preparing our summer schedule and are excited to welcome several friends, old and new. The boys and our team are going to get so much love and encouragement in the warm summer months!

I’m super excited to have all the visitors too. I’m excited for English conversations and the joy that comes from seeing our boys through the eyes of others. It’s a lot of work to host people, but it’s also refreshing, encouraging, and just plain fun. Guess what else gets me excited for visitors? All the stuff we have them carry over to us from the US! I’ve been out of brown sugar for over a month and my baking is SUFFERING. Peanut butter and chicken flavored Better Than Bouillon have also been sorely missed. I’m filling my Amazon cart in preparation. Yes, we totally and unashamedly use our visitors as pack mules. Come on, summer! Hehe

The kids are all doing really well. In a couple of weeks we’ll have Spring Break, and then they only have like 2 more months of school! I can’t even imagine the feeling of accomplishment they will have when they walk out the doors of school on that last day. We are so close to completing a full year of Ukrainian school!! There have been many good days, and also many days when we have all been in tears, ready to throw in the towel. Many days of wondering if it is worth it, but as we round the final corner I think we are all seeing that it has totally been worth the blood, sweat, and tears. The kids’ language has grown by leaps and bounds. They never could have grown like that just here at home. I am so incredibly proud of them.

It is totally NOT ice cream weather, but we got a little excited about the sunshine.

Yesterday we were at the hospital getting Addy, Ez, and Hava mandatory check-ups for school and I realized that I have started to rely on their ears when we are out and about. I tell everyone to listen, and if I don’t catch what was said, most likely one of them will. It’s awesome! All communication outside the home used to fall on Jed and me completely, but now the kids can understand for themselves, and actually, truth be told, they have much better comprehension than I do at this point. Grrrr… the competitive side of me hates that! But, I love that they can communicate and function so well in society. That was our hope in sending them to school.

So, here’s to dry feet, American ~~pack mules~~ friends, and Spring Break. The snow is gone, the sun is out, Brian Adams radio is playing (again, don’t judge), and my heart is full. Happy Tuesday to our friends near and far! BeLOVE[d].

PS: You will not believe this! I was typing this post when I had to pause to go get Seth from kindergarten. On the way home we stopped at the post office and guess what was waiting for us???

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Our wonderful Tom and Emma sent us a package with brown sugar, Better Than Bouillon, peanut butter, jalapeños and many other special treats. OMG. Can you believe that timing? THANK YOU Tom and Emma. We love you!

Frozen Cats, Injuries, and Parenting Wins

Posted on February 22, 2017 by kimnjed

I’m sitting here at the table in a super quiet moment. Ooooh I love it. I’m debating getting up and making a cup o’ coffee, but I’m too afraid to disturb the moment. So, I’ll probably just stay put.

Vladik is sitting at the table with me drawing a picture for his special class he takes at MTU once a week. He stays home from school on Wednesdays so he can go to that class. Also, he does well with a day off in the middle of the week to spend time with mom and dad. He really enjoys going out to the property with Jed and seeing all the work the guys are doing. Vlad has an engineering mind and loves all things electrical and tools and stuff like that. -Basically everything I hate. Hehe. He’s constantly drawing pictures of the house for Sasha, our friend and builder. Sasha is so kind, making a big deal over each and every drawing, discussing the details with Vladik. I love it.

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Seth is at his village preschool/kindergarten and the other 3 are at school. Seth only goes to his school for 3-4 hours per day and has finally gotten into the groove. PTL! I never thought it would happen. He has a couple little friends there and that has made all the difference. He wrestles with them every day and comes home with small injuries most days. I guess their teacher is fine with it? Ha! Anyway, he has a good time and is learning, so we are winning there, for sure.

Waiting for the bus after school

Wanna hear something gross? Of course you do! When we take out the trash we have to walk down a little path/alley behind our apartment, around behind a kindergarten, and then to some dumpsters behind a big apartment building. It’s all paths and not really a road, so it is never cleared of snow or ice. It can actually be a bit treacherous! Anyway, a couple weeks ago I noticed a cat had died and was frozen, mid-stride, right on the side of the path. EEEEEK! Disgusting. It’s mouth and eyes were frozen open and it was just horrible to look at. Poor kitty. It’s still there. IT’S STILL THERE. Still frozen, still horrible looking, STILL THERE. I keep wondering who will take care of it???? If you’re going to suggest that I do it because I’m so concerned…you can just shut your mouth. There is no way on God’s green earth I’m taking responsibility for that dead cat. Nasty. Anyway, I assume everyone is just ignoring it because everything is still frozen around here and everyone hopes someone else will do it. But sooner or later everything will thaw. Then what? Ugh. Now I just avert my eyes every time I have to pass by it because it’s haunting me. Make it stop!!!

Our ice skating rink/street

Last week I had this strange infection in my thumb that became a big ordeal. The big ordeal included: me googling “my thumb is going to explode”, attempting to treat it myself with Jed and a sterilized needle (yes, I know, not smart….but we were desperate), heading to the hospital and being examined by a surgeon in a dimly-lit, flickery-lightbulb hallway, giving a urine sample in a bathroom with OPEN GLASS BOTTLES (aka specimen jars) ON A WOODEN TABLE, NO TOILET SEAT, NO TOILET PAPER, NO SOAP. Seriously. Slightly high risk for specimen contamination, dontchathink? My ordeal included a $0.75 X-Ray, thumb numbing and lancing, blood samples taken using a pipet and a rubber tube, and then some sort of loud electromagnetic treatment with this:

I don’t even know what to say…

All that said, they took very good care of me and the surgeon was competent and extremely kind. I do have to say though, as an RN who worked in the hospital setting for 13+ years, it was all very Twilight Zone/Civil War tent medicine’ish. The lead up to the actual procedure was so strange and foreign and old-school that I half expected to be handed a bullet to bite down on as my thumb was cut open. But alas, it was all done with sterile procedure and ease. I guess you can’t always judge a book by it’s dimly-lit cover. 😉

You have to buy booties from the pharmacy before going into the hospital

Seriozha (aka Kenny) saved my life by helping me navigate the hospital experience 🙂

We’ve recently had some parenting wins that I think you should all know about. Aren’t we parents all too hard on ourselves? I know I am. Why do we do this to ourselves? Let’s take a moment to reflect on the things that, despite our best efforts to screw everything up, seem to be going right. Here we go:

Every time we have our friend Rosa over to play games we listen to a finely-tuned Pandora station called “Phil Collins Radio”. I’ve been thumbing that station up and down for at least 4 years, so you know it’s full of gems. Or, if Jed will allow it, Rosa and I will opt for “Bryan Adams Radio”. This tradition started back when we lived in the US and would play games with our most special Tom and Emma. Games just call for music everyone can sing along to, and these two stations are exceptional, in my humble opinion. Well, lately Addy and Ezra have been joining us in our game play and they can now sing along to at least the chorus of several good songs. The other night we were listening to music while washing the dishes and Ezra requested “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. Then the next night Addy requested “Take My Breath Away”. I know we make mistakes every day, but requests of high caliber, such as those, give me hope. #parentingwin
The other day I asked Vladik to go put his notebook in his backpack for school. He proceeded to toss the notebook in his bag and then declare “Boom shaka laka!” Be still my heart. #parentingwin
Ezra just completed his very first chapter book without pictures. He started it. He read it every night. He asked to stay up late to “finish one more chapter”. He talked about it at dinner. He read it until the very end. I thought this day would never come. #parentingwin
There is a little boy in Hava’s class that doesn’t really have any friends. The other kids don’t like him and often aren’t kind to him. Hava decided that was wrong. She sincerely likes him and decided to appoint herself as his protector. Every day she reports to me on the kindness level of others and what she did to be a friend to him. #parentingwin

Welp, I’m off to take Vladik to class and fetch Seth from Kinder…while averting my eyes from frozen cat. #jesustakethewheel Happy Wednesday!

More About School

Posted on December 8, 2016 by kimnjed

Yay December! Pandora comes to life in our house around Christmas time. We’ve got the “Peaceful Christmas”, “Ray Conniff Singers Christmas”, “Amy Grant Christmas”, and “Frank Sinatra Christmas” stations on heavy rotation. It’s a beautiful thing. I’m smiling just typing it out!

Life has been a bit non-stop around here, but it has also been good. We’ve found a smidge of a rhythm, which is more than I could say for many months before this, so I find joy in that.

The kids are really doing awesome at school. They have passed through the season of merely surviving (thank God!) and have moved into a season of growth. God has been so faithful to our kids. I have done more than my fair share of worrying about them since we very first moved to Ukraine, and all along God has spoken the words “Do not worry about your kids. I am with them.” But of course I still worry and worry and worry…because I guess I’m a slow learner. Anyway, I’m now seeing some of the fruit of His watch and care over them. Things are still challenging in many ways, but we aren’t drowning anymore, and there are a whole lot less tears. Things are looking up!

Addy is in fifth class and is just fantastic. She’s really growing into a lovely young lady. Can you believe she’ll be THIRTEEN in February???? What the heck? She is so kind and so joyful. If you knew her as a little bitty girl, she is just the same, only taller, and with some maturity added in. By age, she should be in 7th class, but the school really thought it was best for her to do 5th this year. She’s feeling the age difference in a pretty big way, but has found one sweet friend, Vika, that she really loves.

Addy is hoping to talk with the school and work hard to skip a grade next year, in order to get her closer on par with her peers. We’ll see if they are open to it. I’m proud of her for having the guts to try! Addy also goes to a middle school youth group at the church where a few of our friends go. She enjoys that a lot, and it’s just the right thing for her to spread her wings a bit.

Addy LOVES Bluebell and helps take such good care of her

Ezra is in fourth class and is coming right along. He has a couple little friends, Mark and Nikita, that he really loves. I’m so thankful for them! School is harder for him than it is for Addy, but he is really working hard and doing well. Our friend who helps him with his homework is just fantastic with him, and step by step he is improving his skills and understanding.

Last week Ezra’s class did a dance for all the parents and other students and Ezra rocked it! He was amazing! We were shocked because he was dreading it so much. You know, he had to hold a girl’s hand! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! He warned us that he would probably be sick that day and not be able to participate. 😉 But, lo and behold, he gathered the courage and did amazing. What a brave kid.

Ezra and his buddies at his birthday outing

Hava is in first grade and is just rockin’ it. She is so blessed to be able to start out from the beginning with her appropriate age. She’ll have a much easier time than Addy and Ezra because of it. She’s learning to write Ukrainian cursive and is coming right along with her Ukrainian reading. She has lots of little girlfriends in her class, and her biggest complaint is that they all fight over who’s going to hold her hand when they have to pair up to walk down the hall to lunch. What a hard life! Hehe.

School in Ukraine is generally much more serious than in the US. There is not a lot done with fun in mind, and the standards for work are extremely high. Despite that, I think Hava’s teacher does her best to understand that her little students are very young and need extra grace. I appreciate that.

Hava and her little school friends. CUTIES!

Vladik is attending the same school as Addy, Ez, and Hava and he LOVES it. Oh my word. He gets absolutely giddy when it’s time to go to school. Our friend Tamara teaches him and she is just the right fit for our special boy. She is not a trained teacher, but she is an experienced mom and she loves Vladik. She sees his value and sees his potential. That makes her the perfect choice. Four days a weeks she comes to our house, picks up Vladik and takes him on the trolleybus to school. He does PE and art with Addy’s class, and the other time is spent in his own little classroom doing individual lessons with Tamara. Then she brings him home after lunch. They are working on learning about months, days, seasons, weather, numbers, counting, personal hygiene, appropriate social interactions….all the stuff you would teach your toddlers and preschoolers.

Vladik has many big gaps in his knowledge, so we decided to start at the very beginning and make no assumptions about what he does and doesn’t know. He is eager to learn and is soaking it all in. Tamara speaks no English, so Vladik has learned to speak English at home and Ukrainian at school. His language is EXPLODING! It’s really the ideal situation for him and we are so thankful that God made a way for him to get the education he needs.

Vladik at his class that he attends once a week at Mission to Ukraine

Seth. Seth was and is our biggest mystery. 🙂 His needs are different than our other kids and much more difficult to decipher. We have struggled since September to find the right educational fit for our Sethers. He just wants to stay home with mommy all day, which would be fine, except that then he gets zero Ukrainian. He will go to first grade next year, and it will be 500 times harder for him if he doesn’t get a better handle on the language. Because of that, we knew we had to find some sort of kindergarten/preschool for him to attend, at least part time.

We tried a few places and just never felt peace about it. FINALLY, last week we found our landing place for Seth. Ivanivka, the village where we are building our Wide Awake Homestead, opened a kindergarten at the public school there and we started to send Seth. There are 7 kids there right now, but more will come when the weather warms up. (It’s super cold in the classroom…like kids wear their snowpants the whole time…) It meets for 4 hours a day, and we send Seth four times a week. They do some preK stuff in workbooks, but mostly play. It’s perfect for Seth. He’s not ready to do a bunch of seatwork. He mostly needs to interact with other kids and gain some confidence with the language. We’re only in week 2, but so far so good. He’s only refused to stay one day so far, which for Seth is pretty good! 😉 Hopefully things will only get better from here!

Ivanivka School

I took a pic of the math book I needed to buy for Seth’s class

School has been a HUGE help in bringing some stability to our lives here. Our kids know what to expect and where they belong. It is definitely a super challenging road to walk, but so far any issues that have arisen have been able to be worked out with administration. They love our kids there and really want to work with us. I’m thankful.

Thank you to all of you who pray for our kiddos. It means so much to us!