Adoption | Wide Awake Family

A Historical Day for Wide Awake

Yesterday was an absolute momentous day in Wide Awake/Dim Hidnosti history; the turning of a page, the beginning of a new chapter. A part of the story that seemed like a pipe dream all those years ago has become a reality and we are all in celebration mode because of it.

Yesterday Oleg was granted legal guardianship of Sasha by the court, and in that decision Oleg and Masha have legally committed their lives to Sasha, “till death do us part”. In reality, the court was simply recognizing the position of their hearts for more than a year now, but the legal binding of it is a weight that they have not carried before. It’s one thing to live as houseparents, but it’s another thing to legally bind yourselves to one of our boys for life. Now with joy Oleg and Masha pick up that weight of responsibility and continue forward along the path of bringing hope, love, and dignity to our boys. Jed and I couldn’t be more proud of them or more honored to walk this journey alongside them. ❤️

Masha and Oleg started the guardianship process almost exactly a year ago, hoping for a quick, speed-bump free process. Well, we live in Ukraine, so those hopes were squashed quite quickly. 😂 We live in the land of perpetual speed bumps and literal potholes. Court was supposed to happen last month and the three of us, Oleg, Masha, and I went to the courthouse as planned, but once there were notified that the judge was unavailable and they would have to reschedule. So yesterday we went to the courthouse with plenty of nerves and hopes that at least SOMETHING would happen and we wouldn’t just be put off again. Masha is pregnant and baby (their first) is due on June 15th, so we were all hoping to have the guardianship question resolved before the birth.

Our lawyer, who is actually a faithful Dim Hidnosti volunteer, spent a lot of time prepping Oleg for the hearing. There are often cases these days of men trying to gain guardianship of someone with a disability in order to escape military service, so the courts are quite suspicious of anyone coming with a guardianship case. Our lawyer advised us that it could be difficult and we should expect suspicion and hard questions. We understood the hesitation of the courts, but also felt a bit frustrated that we just want to do something good and right, and to have it met with suspicion would likely feel a bit sad and defeating. But we also really tried to just trust God that Sasha and Oleg’s lives are in his hands and prayed that His will would be done.

One of the differences with the legal system here is that jurors serve regularly for a certain period of time with a certain judge on every case. Beсause of that, the attorneys know the jurors ahead of time and become familiar with their perspectives on certain types of cases. Our lawyer was quite concerned about one of the jurors that would be on our case. He warned Oleg about her, the secretaries warned us about her…she was to be feared. Apparently her son serves in the military and she is very suspicious about and hard on anyone whose case outcome would include exemption from military service. Again, I understand her perspective for sure, but we knew military exemption was not Oleg’s ultimate goal in pursuing guardianship of Sasha, so we prayed that the truth would win and her heart would be soft.

So yesterday we arrived at the courthouse with plenty of time to spare and our lawyer gave Oleg some last minute instructions. Then we waited. And waited some more. We waited for an hour before anything happened- plenty of times for our nerves to fry. 😁 Then the judge came out, called the jurors into his office, they talked for 10 minutes or so, and came out of his office with a decision of YES! They didn’t even have a hearing and they didn’t even ask Oleg any questions. We were shocked and a little dumbfounded. Seriously??? Just like that???? What the heck even? But okay, if you say so! It was amazingly fast and hassle-free (read between the lines…not your usual Ukrainian government experience).

Afterwards, Oleg was sitting at a desk there in the hallway doing some of the finalization documents with the lawyer and the jurors came out of the judge’s office. That juror that everyone was afraid of and warned us about? She came up to me with tears in her eyes and asked if she could give me a hug. Apparently she had been out to our property once (I don’t remember her at all), remembered me, and knew about our work. 🤷‍♀️ Through tears she told us how important and valuable our work is. “Not just anyone can do that work but you somehow have super strength to do it. From the bottom of my heart I wish you long life and health so you can help more and more people.” She told us that many people can go fight in the war, but not everyone can do the work that we do and do it well. That is why she wanted Oleg to be able to stay with us and become Sasha’s guardian. Can you believe that??? Not only was she not suspicious, she was moved to tears by our work and believes that what we do is super valuable for the community. Well, if God is for us who can be against us? Am I right?

A beautiful and historical day was made even more special by the way God moved the hearts of men to fulfill his plan. Oleg and Masha’s decision is a sign to all Ukrainians that this is not just a work for foreigners. This is a work that Ukrainians can and should do. Decisions like the one made by the court yesterday are the ones that will change this country for the good.

We are so immensely grateful to God for how he consistently shows us that He is for us. This work and our boys are so important to him. Nothing will stand in the way of him completing the work that he has set out to do. We are so humbled and thankful to be along for the ride. ❤️

I’m Baaaaaack!

Posted on October 31, 2024 by kimnjed

It’s been 4 months since I’ve shared this space with you. Can you believe that? It’s gone by fast, but it also feels like a century since I shared my heart with you.

When we first started this journey of “YES” that led us across the world to our life here in Ukraine it was very much the story and journey of our family. I shared the happenings on our blog, mainly just because blogging was “the thing” to do and I thought it could be kind of fun to try my hand at a public journal of such. I wanted a way to remember the process and also a way to fill in family and close friends in one bang. Killing two birds and all that jazz. The process, or journey, we started out on was an adoption journey. It was a personal, intimate journey for our family and sharing my heart and thoughts along the way was the only way I knew how to write. Over the years one thing led to another, which led to another, which led to us starting a non-profit, moving our family of 6 around the world, adopting Vlad, buying the Homestead property, taking guardianship of our boys, building the duplex…then war and refugee life and homecoming and horses and house parents and all.the.things. Over the past 12 years, this whole thing has become much more than our family’s personal journey and much more than my online journal of sorts.

And yet, I know that part of what has drawn people (and maybe you!) to this work has been hearing the personal perspective behind all the things happening around here. And because this work is not just my day job but also my family, my life, and the thing I believe I was made to do, it’s really quite impossible for me to tease out the personal from the organizational- even if I wanted to. I’m just, in general, a “heart-on-my-sleeve” type of person, so writing without getting too personal is just not something I’m able to do. That’s all fine and dandy when I’m feeling all fine and dandy, but it all kind of falls apart when I fall apart.

Over the years we have seen and experienced so much beauty, and we have also experienced a great deal of pain. There were the early years that were so exciting, but also filled with uncertainty and worry (especially about our kids. Remember how worried I was that they would never learn Ukrainian???). There was the huge transition of bringing the boys out and then the disappointment of realizing that they couldn’t all live with us forever like we thought. (By the way, what were we actually thinking, imagining that would work??? My word, we have learned a lot.) Then there was/is the war. The day we had to leave our home and take the boys as refugees in Germany was the single most painful day of my life. All of that I freely and honestly shared with you. I never wanted you to think this journey was all rainbows and unicorns, so I tried to be very honest about sharing the amazing and the heartbreaking. But over the past couple of years, maybe since the war started that honest, personal, and free channel of communication from me to you has slowly become harder and harder for me to access.

I can’t completely blame my “communication barrier”, of sorts, on the war, but I also can’t deny the part war has played in changing all of us to our cores. That time living away with all the boys in a different country was unbelievably challenging and traumatizing. I really hate to use that “T Word” because I’m aware it’s so overused and abused, but I feel like it’s a true way to describe that time. We left our home not knowing if we would ever be able to return. We then watched helplessly as our dear boys who had worked so incredibly hard, along with us, to come so far and heal so deeply and grow so much, slowly and then rapidly lose their skills and decline to such states that it became impossible to continue like we were in Germany. I don’t know if I’ve ever before or since felt such helplessness as I did in that time. I remember crying to Jed “I just don’t want this to be my life!” Rough times, Folks, rough times.

Another barrier to my sharing has just been the fact that I was, honestly, a bit burned out with sharing the story. Gasp! Truth bomb. Hehe. I mean, I’ve been sharing this work and this journey for 12 years now and I just felt tired. I felt uninspired. I felt like, although the work obviously, is just as important to me as the day it was birthed 12 years ago, I just didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I wanted to live it and savor it and love it as much as I do, without trying to figure out creative ways to describe it. I guess it was just a case of good ol’ fashioned burnout. And I’m so thankful to Christiana for lifting the newsletter responsibility from me during our sabbatical so I could just rest. What a gift!

And not to be a Debbie Downer, but there is one more barrier to communication between you and me. That one includes my kiddos and dignity and the whole jumbly casserole that comes out of life and ministry and work and family all being a mostly combined entity. To me, that jumbly casserole is the best ever and I wouldn’t trade that life for the world. But it does make communication a bit hard to splice out.

When we moved to Ukraine our kids were young and it seemed like they were little extensions of my body. Their joys and pains were easy to see and understand, and in those early days of life in Ukraine, I was feeling a lot of those same joys and pains so it was natural to share them with you. Our family unit was like a little island here in Ukraine and we felt and experienced all the things together. Now most of my children are teenagers and sharing their joys and pains online with people who don’t even know them doesn’t feel right or even related to what you come here to read. So there is the need to separate some of the Johnson family sharing from the greater Homestead family sharing.

But, there is a but. You know that our family is an adoptive family (several times over), and adoption has always been a big part of our heart. We heavily and successfully advocated for the adoption of foster children and many children from Ukraine before we moved here and then for several of our boys from Romaniv. I believe that adoption is God’s heart and a necessary act of love in this broken world. Children were made for families. Adoption is important and necessary, and also, adoption is incredibly painful and difficult. That is just the reality. Anytime a child is removed from their biological family there is pain, no matter the age of the child. Add in a history of substance abuse and the pain grows.

We moved to Ukraine to bring people with disabilities into family and to create a model of family and care that can be replicated by others around the country. There are many reasons why institutions like Romaniv exist, but one big reason is because of the lack of social safety net for families who have a child with a disability. There is a huge lack of qualified therapists and mental health specialists. The schools are not prepared for children with special needs and most schools have zero idea of how to actually work with children who can’t learn in the way that is expected and have zero plan for how to successfully educate those children. We see the final outcome of the lack of social safety net in our adult men who have come from the institution into our Wide Awake family, and we have experienced the effects of the lack of social safety net in our own family with one of our adopted children.

To parent a child with special needs in Ukraine is to fight the good fight on your own. There is no team brainstorming. There is no person telling you what they recommend you do. There are no provisions made. There is no support. All of these things you have to find on your own or create on your own. We have been doing this for our child for the past almost 11 years, and it has taken all that I have to give. I can’t tell you how isolating and painful it is to try everything and give everything and feel that at the end of the day, your family is alone in this fight for your child and there is no safety net if you should fail or make a wrong choice or miss a thing, or if you should have known better but just didn’t because you have never seen or known of another child like yours. To parent a child with special needs in Ukraine is to go at it completely alone and pray that at the end of the day, it will be enough.

I haven’t shared as much with you recently because I have been elbows deep in my own journey of parenting a child who desperately needs more than we can give. Our child needs what can only be found outside of Ukraine, but we know that God has us in Ukraine for that very population. It hasn’t really hit me until just while I’ve been writing this that this must be how all the mamas of our friends with disabilities must have felt over the years. We need for our children what can’t be found in our country. And we wonder how things would be different if we had the resources that others have. We do our best but feel at the end of each day that we are failing and pray that God will cover it all. Hope can be hard to find at times. We can only trust that God loves our children more than we do and that He will give us the wisdom we need when we need it.

So, wow, maybe this got a bit rambly (is that a word?) I just wanted you to know where I’ve been; where my head and heart have been. Praise God the work here continues, more beautiful than ever. Our team and our boys are thriving, even during these dark times in our country. Because of the amazing and steady work of our team I’m able to take more of a backseat from the day-to-day work of Wide Awake/Dime Hidnosti to focus on our child. I’m incredibly thankful for that.

I’m back, feeling a bit more refreshed and ready to share with you again. There is never a dull moment around here and we are honored to walk this never-dull journey with you.

All About Sasha: Two Years Home!

Posted on June 3, 2023 by kimnjed

This week marks two years since Sasha joined the big Wide Awake/Dim Hidnosti family. I gotta say, it feels like much longer. A hundred lifetimes have passed since then and it seems like our Sashulya has been with us forever. Today Masha reminded our team that it was Sasha’s two year anniversary, and looking back at the photos of the day we brought him home- it’s like a dream. So much in our lives has changed since then.

Because Sasha was moved out of Romaniv to a different institution during COVID and visitors were not allowed, by the time the guardianship was in the approval process and Jed and I were allowed visitation, we hadn’t seen Sasha in more than a year. He acted like he didn’t know us at all and we really didn’t know him well anymore either. We had to start our relationship over completely and that was a very different situation than with all of our other boys whom we visited with often and felt we knew very well. I remember feeling so sad for Sasha because I knew he didn’t remember us well and was confused by all the changes. I desperately wanted him to know that all was well, that his life was about to change for the better, but his understanding of the whole situation was very limited. He was afraid of everything, all the time.

I remember the day we finally, after a million delays, brought him home. The whole team was so excited. We all breathed a big sigh of relief- our boy was home. Now his life could truly begin. In those first days Sasha would just crouch on the floor, making his body as small as possible. He wouldn’t respond to his name at all and didn’t want any physical contact. He was so much in his own little world that he would literally walk into walls. He was a shell of a person. Max and Morgan, an American couple who were living in the duplex as house parents, were the perfect landing spot for Sasha. They poured all their love and attention on him and he began to thrive. It was like we had a newborn baby with us and every little new thing Sasha did and every discovery he made was lovingly documented by our devoted team. It was a precious time.

Now, two years later, Sasha is a tall, almost-17-year-old with a super loud voice and a very strong will. 😆 Gone is our scared little boy. We’ve got a full-blown teenager on our hands now and I think he’s going to be an actual giant. He’s huge and it doesn’t look like he’s going to stop growing anytime soon. Sasha often seems lost in his own world, especially when he has a water bottle or one of his favorite toys in his hands, but when he wants relationship he is the most loving, affectionate cuddle bug there ever was. His smile absolutely lights up the room and everyone who knows him falls in love with him. He’s not afraid to show us what he thinks by batting us away or even falling onto the floor when he doesn’t want to go somewhere. He’s heavy and I think he knows it. 😂 But we choose to recognize that he is communicating, showing us his likes and dislikes and I’ll take that any day over a scared little boy crouching in the corner.

Sasha loves music, especially old Ukrainian and Soviet children’s songs. He is musical and even though he doesn’t speak, he can sing the words to a couple of his favorite songs. Sasha likes water (if it’s warm) and riding in the car- but only if he gets to sit by the window! He likes to kick balls and play in our little ball pit. He’s very tactile and when he’s in the mood he really loves hugs.

Sasha’s diagnoses are Autism Spectrum Disorder and Epilepsy. He also has microcephaly and Raynaud’s Syndrome. Over this past year or so we have struggled to get his seizures under control. The doctors think this is mainly because he is growing at such a rate that we haven’t been able to keep the medication at a therapeutic level. Just last week he had an overnight EEG and we are now waiting to hear the results. Overall, his health is good, we just need to him to slow down on this growing for a bit!

Oleg and Masha are the house parents in the duplex now and they live with Sasha and Anton. It’s so cool because years ago when Masha was an intern at the institution, Sasha was one of the boys on her caseload. Now she gets to live with him like a mama. God’s plans are the best.

We love our Sashulya deeply and are mega thankful he is a part of our family. I’m just so glad he isn’t afraid anymore. I’m so happy to know that every single day he is surrounded by love and is safe. Sasha is precious and our big Wide Awake/Dim Hidnosti family adores him. Happy 2 years, Buddy!

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How Are the Boys?

Posted on December 9, 2021 by kimnjed

It’s been a while since I wrote an update about all our boys, right? I tried valiantly, for a while, to do the prayer team updates once a month, but I got a little burned out on that. It just ended up being too much. So…it kinda fizzled. Sorry about that. 🤷‍♀️ I’ll make it up to you now with an update about each of the boys you love so much. As you’ll see below, they are just doing really, really well. We are thankful that right now all of our boys are happy, healthy, and thriving.

Vlad. Can you believe our Vlad is 21 years old now? He’s officially an adult, so he’s working hard at learning how an adult should behave and taking on more adult responsibilities. Vlad has taken on the responsibility of caring for the goats along with the chickens and I have to admit that I get a good chuckle watching him try to wrangle them into the yard at night. It is a sight to behold and probably the only time you will ever see Vlad angry at any living being. 😂 He still goes to work at the electrical shop 3 days a week for about 4 hours and it’s going “okay”. There are good days, and not so good days. Vlad has the most wonderful, kind, patient boss, but it’s still a challenge for him to stay focused and motivated at work without mom or dad there to keep him in line 🤦‍♀️. I hope he can keep his job, but he’s going to need to rise up to the challenge if he wants to keep working. We’re also searching for the balance of what kind of work can challenge Vlad so he can grow, but also work in which he can be successful. It’s all one big experiment.

Physically, Vlad is doing great. We decided to wait until next winter to being working on his orthodontics back in the US. Right now he is needs a lot of support from us and it just doesn’t seem like the right time for him to be so far away. We’ll see! He is generally happy and thriving. The other day he brought me his Christmas list that he wrote out himself. It was written in a mixture of Ukrainian and English and it just made me smile. He is such a joy and we are thankful that he is our son.

Boris. Our sweet Bmo is doing so great!! He really is growing and changing right now. He has started to communicate more and more of his needs and desires and I think that brings him joy- when we understand him. He mostly communicates by bringing us the thing he wants (like a cup when he wants a drink, or his blanket when he wants to sleep), but he also will occasionally use cards. It’s encouraging to see him trying to communicate. He’s also using the toilet more frequently with great success. We are all super happy about that!

Boris is still med-free and self-harm-free. We stopped giving him meds at the beginning of last year and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t hit himself even once. I’m still in awe of that miracle. I never dreamed he would have a life without hurting himself. He has been laughing a lot lately and is just generally really happy and content. The past couple of weeks he has been vocalizing more too! It’s so strange to hear consonant sounds coming from his mouth. What if someday he speaks!? 🤩

Ruslan. Rus is still living with Luda and her son, Nazar, in an apartment in town and it is great. Luda is really the perfect person for Ruslan and they do so well together. She gives him a lot of independence and he is thriving in that. He is growing and maturing, emotionally, and is all around happy! Of course he still has his moments when trauma rears its ugly head, but he is growing in that. He is better able to handle unexpected changes in plans and negative emotions. The team has been working hard on that with him.

Ruslan loves meeting friends for coffee. When he goes to a cafe he always orders a “cappuccinko”. 😂 He is so super social and I love watching him at church, how he walks up and greets all the different people he knows. Such a man! I’m really proud of Ruslan. He is making great strides and brings us a lot of joy and laughter. In the past my relationship with him has gone through some difficulties, but God has brought a lot of healing to my heart and I’m so thankful that I am in a place right now where I can just delight in Ruslan. He is a precious gift to our family and our team. 🥰

Anton. Antoshka is talking up a storm! In the past, Anton has really only spoken we have asked him to, when was repeating after us, or when he was angry. But right now he is in a season of exploding vocabulary! He is talking on his own accord and saying things we have never heard him say before. He’s singing a lot too, which usually is a sign with him that all is well. He’s in a really good place these days.

Back in the late summer, early fall he was really stressed and had lost some weight. He was looking pretty skinny and just not healthy, in general. But, over the last two months he has gained 12 pounds! Anton really shows us his emotional well-being through his body- his skin coloring, his weight. So a chubby Anton is a happy Anton. And that makes the rest of us happy too. 🥰 Anton is taking more “responsibility” for Sasha and will even take things away from him if he knows Sasha is holding something he’s not allowed to have. The other day I was in the kitchen at the duplex and I heard Anton yell “Sashaaaaaaa!!!” I ran to the bathroom and Sasha was trying to climb into the (empty) bathtub while Anton was trying to stop him. Big brother was watching out for Sasha. 😊 This is huge because in the past Anton has really only ever seemed to care about Anton. The fact that he is watching Sasha and interacting with him like that is actually a big step for Anton. I’m proud. ❤️

Sasha. Oh Sasha. He just brings us all so much joy! I remember back when we first decided to pursue guardianship of Sasha, we felt the Lord speak to us that he would bring joy to us all, and that has totally been true. His transition to family life has been the easiest of all the boys- by a mile. He was just ready! He is the cuddliest, sweetest man-child (😆) ever. Often Sasha is in content in his own world, but as time goes by he is more and more willing to engage. He responds to his name now (sometimes) and will follow some simple commands. Sasha loves to cuddle, sing, run, spin in circles, play with water bottles, and grab everything in sight that he’s not supposed to have. 😉 He also really loves to eat, but I think that goes without saying. He is a 15 year old boy, after all and he’s growing like a weed. He’s about to grow out of all of his pants and has gained about 25lbs. since he came home to us in May. 😱

Sasha has epilepsy and when he came to us he was on two medications: one he took twice a day and one he took three times a day. Now, six months later, he takes only one of those medications, twice a day. Woot! The neurologist is happy with the changes in Sasha’s brain activity and now that he is on less medication he is more interactive and alert throughout the day. Sleep is sometimes a bit hit or miss, but mostly fine. We are just so incredibly thankful that Sasha is in our family and we all adore him. He is a gift.

Thanks to everyone who prays for our boys. It is such a joy to share how they are developing and changing. Sometimes it feels like we struggle with the same things over and over, month after month, year after year, (because we do…😜) but when I sit down and write out an update like this I marvel at how much they really have grown! These are not little children we are talking about! Besides Sasha, these are grown men, yet they still change and grow. They have so much to overcome every single day, but they do it. They allow us into their worlds and they let us love them. And then they love us back. I know I’ve said it a bazillion times, but I just can’t even begin to imagine our lives without our boys. They are God’s gifts to us.

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All About Sasha and Life in the Duplex

Posted on June 10, 2021 by kimnjed

If you follow our team’s social media accounts or if you’re subscribed to our newsletter you already heard the wonderful news that Sasha is home! I’m finally getting around to writing about it in this space. Two weeks ago we got to bust him out of the institution for good. It was a long road of documents and jumping through too many hoops, but that’s all behind us, and our Sasha is now safe and sound in his forever home. We are so relieved and thankful. Thank you for all the prayer support along the way.

Sasha lived with his mother for his first 11 years and then was removed from her care and placed in the institution. I remember the day he arrived at Romaniv. He was so beautiful! He looked so innocent, so full of life. We were all devastated to see such a precious soul sent to such a dark place. He was affectionate, sought out eye contact, and could even sing songs; it was obvious that he had been loved. We knew his innocence wouldn’t last long, and sure enough, over the following months and years, we watched him quickly decline and turn into a shell of his former self.

A couple years ago a social worker asked us to help find a home for Sasha, and since we knew we were creating forever homes for people just like him, it seemed obvious that he should be the first boy to come live in the duplex as soon as it was ready. Jed started on documents, Max and Morgan picked up and moved their whole lives to Ukraine, and the duplex was made into an absolutely beautiful home, all so Sasha could know love and be free. And FINALLY it is a reality. As I’m writing this he’s on his way to a swimming pool for the first time. He loves water, so I’m guessing he’s going to be pretty excited. 😊

Because Sasha’s history is different from the rest of our boys, having lived with his mother for so many years and having obviously known love at some point, we were hopeful he would have an easier period of adaptation. And so far he has! Also, he is just now 15, and the difference between taking a 15 year old out of an institution and a 30 year old is not small. His brain is more pliable. He is more flexible. He seems to learn more quickly. Yes, we are in for a marathon, not a sprint, but the head start of him being younger is a pretty big deal.

When Sasha first came to us he was afraid of everything. He resisted any transition to a different activity or a different location in the house. He was afraid to lay down to sleep and paced in his room till all hours of the night. On the first night, it took three of us to change his diaper because he was just so afraid. He didn’t really want to be touched. But he has already grown so much! It’s pretty miraculous how ready he was to be loved and cared for. He is so affectionate. He loves hugs and kisses and when he is sad he wants to be held and comforted. He is feeding himself- slowly, but safely. He smiles and has started to make some sounds. He is easily overstimulated and is pretty food-obsessed, but overall, he is really doing amazingly well. I think his development is going to explode over the next several months. It’s so fun to watch him open up and show more and more of himself.

Sasha is under the legal guardianship of Jed, but he lives in the duplex with Max, Morgan, and Anton. Max and Morgan could not be a better fit for Sasha. They love him so much and from day one they gave their hearts away to him. It’s clear that Sasha cares for them and feels safe with them. It’s just so beautiful!!! They are so attuned to Anton and Sasha and their moods, their needs. Max and Morgan are all in and they are doing a fantastic job. It’s a really wonderful thing to be able to trust them completely with the boys’ care. We are nearby if they need us, or if they have questions, but we don’t worry for one second about the boys because we know they are in capable, loving hands. I really can’t express how thankful we are that God brought Max and Morgan to us. What a gift!

Probably the biggest struggle we’ve been working through since Sasha came home is with Anton and his emotions about it all. Anton has big, big feelings, and any negative emotion is expressed with anger. It’s his go-to and he really hasn’t ever known another way. He’s had tons of transition over this past year and we expected that adding Sasha to the mix would be difficult for him. Sure enough, last week he really struggled with anger and aggression. Max and Morgan were super attentive and patient, we changed our schedule of assistants to give Anton more stability, and it seems like he has begun to turn the corner. Over the weekend he even showed some sadness with tears and crying. That’s something we haven’t really ever seen with Anton. It was super encouraging to see him working through sadness with tears instead of anger and aggression. If you remember, please pray for our Anton. He doesn’t want to hurt others, I really believe that. He just grew up his whole life in an environment where anger and aggression were the main modes of communication. Learning a new way takes time, but we won’t give up on our boy. He is learning. Please pray for Max and Morgan too. They really want to keep Sasha safe, and constantly being on the lookout for Anton’s mood shifts can be really exhausting. Pray for them for peace, wisdom, and perseverance. This work is certainly not easy. Worth it? Yes. But easy? Noooooooo. 😳

Lately, I’ve been struck by how wonderful it is to have the gift of time with our boys. We are in no rush for them to meet some sort of developmental milestones. Of course, we want to encourage them to meet their full potentials and we want them to have as much independence as they are capable of, but we are in no rush. We have the rest of their lives to help them learn. The most important thing is that they are safe and they are loved. As long as they are safe and loved- and they know it, then we have met our goal. My favorite thing is to look out into the backyard and see Anton on the swing, Sasha playing with a ball (or eating grass…🙃 ), and Bmo just enjoying sitting out in the sun. They are free! They are loved! They are valued and surrounded by people who truly know them and see them as individuals worth fighting for. Life with our boys is a gift. Sometimes it’s really hard, but a lot of times it’s really beautiful. What an honor to be the ones who get to show them love. What an honor to be the ones with whom they feel safe and at home. We are blessed to have our boys and I really can’t imagine a life without them.

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