My Look Back

2012.  What a year. 

I think I can safely say this has been one of the biggest years of my life.  I think I can also safely say, based on the happenings of 2012, that the biggest years are yet to come.

Our lives changed so dramatically in 2012 that it’s hard to put myself in the shoes of “January 2012 Kim”.

2012 was a year of God meeting us every step.  He spoke to us in 2011 that He has big plans for us and we just need to “keep walking” and He will make the way.  My heart is full of thankfulness for how our God kept His promises.  He met us, and He continues to meet us. 

On March 21, 2012 we welcomed Seth into our family forever.  The son of our hearts became our legal son.  What a day. I can not imagine our lives without our baby.  He is our joy, talking a mile a minute, loving trains, interested in big boy undies (Lord help us!)…our unexpected gift.  Sometimes I forget that Seth is adopted and when I’m reminded for some reason and stop in that moment to think about it I simply can not believe he didn’t grow in my belly.  He was meant for us in every single way.  He fits us like a glove and we fit him.  God met us in the hospital 2 years ago when we first met our baby, and He met us in the courtroom that precious day when He gave us our baby for keeps.  Thank you Jesus for our sweet boy.  Yay 2012!!!

April 2012 brought life changes in extreme measure.  April wins the trophy for my favorite month of 2012.  We spent the month in Ukraine and we will never ever be the same.  God met us there.  He met us in the moment we stepped off the plane and awkwardly made our way to our hostel with the help of random kind strangers.  He met us in the walls of Romaniv orphanage where our eyes met and we realized what we were created for.  He met us in the courtyard of the Lost Boys institution where we locked eyes and hearts with the boys whose lives grabbed our attention those many months before.  He met us in the moments of friendship and laughter with Ukrainian believers He placed in our path.  He gave us friends for life in Kiev, Zhitomir, Odessa, and Kremenchug.  Every step we took along that journey was ordained by Him.  Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness and your voice that guides our every step.  

The summer of 2012 brought the beautiful gift of friendship.  New friends invaded our hearts and for that I weep with gratitude and a HUGE smile on my face.  We are loved by many, and for that I can’t thank Him enough.  God answered so many prayers with friends this year.  He knows just what we need.  🙂

In September we sold off loads of our stuff.  God met us in that moment in a big way.  We had asked God to show us where we would live so we could save up money for Ukraine.  The night before our garage sale He sent our wonderful, generous friend Luke to offer his home to us for free.  We stepped.  He met us.  He is too good.  He is too faithful.  

October 2012 saw us moving in with Luke and securing renters for our house with a 5-year lease (HA!).  Again, He met us.  Again, overflowing faithfulness, overflowing goodness. 

December 2012.  From the inside looking out it’s hard to know what to say about this month.  We’ve experienced great personal loss and sadness this month and some moments the sadness feels almost suffocating.  My heart aches and my soul hurts…but then I look back.  I recount what the Lord has done.  I see how He met us every step along this crazy roller coaster of a year.  Will He not meet us now?  The word He spoke to us at the end of 2011 is still the word for us today: “Keep walking and I will make the way”.  This unexpected turn in our path is not an exception to that word.  Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever.  Look and see what the Lord has done!!  His promises remain and His goodness remains.  

Now we look forward to 2013.  My mind can’t even fathom the plans He has in store for this year.  I’m not even going to try and figure it out. 🙂  I’m just going to say “yes” to Him every day and see what comes of it.  When my heart wants to bury itself in sadness I lift up my eyes and remember this past year.  I look at my 4 babies and my beautiful husband, and my heart soars with gratitude for my God and His overflowing faithfulness and goodness.  

I trust you Jesus.  Whatever you want to do with us this year- you do it.  We are yours and I mean that.  I mean it with every fiber of my being.  I don’t want to live for myself and my good ideas.  I don’t want to live the version of my life that seems right and comfy to me.  I want to be spent for You.  I’ll let You decide how that should look. 

So here’s to 2013!  May we live with our hope in Jesus and may we spend ourselves for Him. 

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6 comments

  1. Anonymous · January 6, 2013

    Awesome. Love love,Papi

  2. Deanna · January 6, 2013

    "we are yours and I mean that"…I love it because you are really walking it out…what a privilege to watch, my friend:)

  3. SolaceMama · January 6, 2013

    Joy! That is all I can think of.

  4. happyhartman · January 9, 2013

    Ahhhh… You stinker, makin me cry like that. You have been on my heart ALL day… and that BEAUTIFUL smile of yours. We need you and Jed to come sing to us *Smile*!!! We Love Love Love you Johnson family. God Knows the why`s… Someday your answers will come, and turn pain into beauty. For now a big ol Hartman (((((HUG)))))

  5. Sarah · January 13, 2013

    What a beautiful, heartbreaking, belly-laugh filled, anguished tear brushed year this has been. Blessed to be part of the journey already made and the road that lies ahead. He'll bless all of it, every last inch.

  6. Rob Nalle · January 17, 2013

    I'm sorry for the babe lost… Praying for your hearts as you grieve.

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