Family | Wide Awake Family

Grandma Betty and James 1:27

Posted on June 2, 2012 by kimnjed

Betty Joe

My Grandma went to be with Jesus on May 22nd. Today we will celebrate her life in a tiny country church where we celebrate the lives of all the family members that leave this earth. It’s a bittersweet little church to me. In that church we’ve had family weddings and too many family memorials. We had our family Christmas party there the year Havalah was born. I remember bringing her there at a whopping 4 days old and oh my word, she was so jaundiced! She looks like a little yellow bundle in all the pictures. Ha!

We were just at the church in December celebrating the life of my Uncle Gary, and now we celebrate Grandma. As cute as the church is, I’m ready to not visit there for a while.

I made the slideshow for Grandma’s service and it was so fun. I loved looking through all the old pictures, seeing my Grandma in a different light. I feel like there’s so much I didn’t know about Grandma. She wasn’t one to talk about herself much, or share her feelings and ideas. When I think of her I think of a smiling onlooker, happy to just watch her family in action. I’m sure much of the reason I think of her in that way was because she had some dementia in her later years. Family get-togethers become more and more overwhelming to her and she was good just watching everyone run around, talking really loud (my mom’s family is notorious for our loud-talking) 🙂 As I made the slideshow I feel like I was able to catch some glimpses of what she was like as a young lady and a young mom. I wish so much I would have talked to her about those days while she was still with us. Ah well…we can chat it up someday in heaven, we’ll have plenty of time together then.

Grandpa and Grandma

I love the above picture! How cute is that? I don’t remember my Grandpa much at all. He went to heaven when I was 5. I have one vague memory of sitting on the edge of his hospital bed…but that’s all. My mom tells me He loved his grandkids. This picture really makes me wish I had been able to grow up knowing him. I wonder how things would have been different with him around? I wonder how Grandma was different with him in her life? All I know is I inherited his crossed eyes and then passed it on to my kids. Thanks a lot Grandpa!!!! Aw well….it’s the gift that keeps on giving. 🙂

Grandma and her babes

The above picture might be my most favorite of all. Grandma as a young mom, surrounded by her kidlets, now that- that I can relate to. The week before Grandma died the kids and I went to go visit her at the nursing home she lived in. She was up and around in her chair, but a little confused at times during the visit. When it was time to leave I was rounding up the kids, calling each of their names and Grandma said “Boy, do you need name tags for all of them? How do you keep them all straight?” Ha! My Aunt Jane, who was visiting with us, reminded Grandma “You had 5 of your own kids mom!” Grandma shook her head in disbelief like she couldn’t believe she managed 5 kids at once. But, she sure did! At one time she was a young mom, doing housework, diapers, discipline, grocery shopping…I wish I could have caught a glimpse of her then. I wonder how she felt about Motherhood? I wonder what she enjoyed about each of her little ones? I wonder if she ever felt lonely or isolated in her mothering, or did she have friends and family surrounding her and supporting her? I wonder if she felt successful as a mother or if she always wished she would have done things differently? I wish I knew…but again, we’ll have all of eternity to talk about Mommyhood.

Grandpa, Grandma, and Uncle Gary

This picture makes me smile. I loved my Uncle Gary a ton. He left us too early and I still miss him very much.

Like I said before, we visited Grandma the week before she died. She had been pretty sick with pneumonia and had just come back to the nursing home after being hospitalized. The kids and I went, I prepared them that Grandma might not know them, that she might just be sleeping. Boy were we surprised to see her up out of bed in her chair! It was a sweet visit. I didn’t know at the moment that it would be our last time to chat. The day after our visit Grandma declined and didn’t really talk with anyone else again. I am so blessed that we were able to see her that day. It was truly a gift from the Lord. And, we took pictures!!! Yay!

Addy and Grandma Betty

Ezra and Grandma Betty

Havalah, Mommy, and Grandma. Seth was being a stinker and wouldn’t come in the picture 🙂

Some time last year I felt burdened to start visiting Grandma more regularly. If you know me well, you know that I LOVE James 1:27.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

I love that verse because it shows the Father’s heart for the orphan, the vulnerable. I’m ashamed to say that for many years I neglected to heed the second vulnerable group addressed in this verse: the widow. Last fall God really got me in the guts on that. “If you want to truly follow Me, don’t just heed the commands that are convenient for you.” Oh, oops. He got me there. I hadn’t been visiting Grandma regularly and I felt a nudging (or a shoving) to make that more of a priority. I want to teach my kids that the elderly are important and are to be honored. I wanted them to see me take time out of my schedule to drive down and see Grandma. No more using the excuse that it’s hard to visit a nursing home with 4 little ones. Well, it is hard, but I bet it’s a lot harder to sit in a nursing home day after day and not have your babies visit you. So, we started visiting more often. I made it a goal to see Grandma once a month and I am SO glad I did. We made some sweet memories and my kids got to know Grandma Betty in their own way. I wish so badly I had starting visiting her earlier, but I don’t get a do-over. I wish I had talked with her more about her earlier life and her dreams. I wish I had known her better as her own person. I know she loved me and I know she knew that I loved her, but I wish I would have put that love into action more often.

I guess what I want to say is, if you have a loved one who is growing old, go visit. Make the time. We all have time to give, we just have to choose to give it. I treasure those visits with Grandma and I know she treasured them just as much, probably even more. When we visited it made her day.

I love you Grandma. I’ll miss your face and your birthday songs on the phone. You’ve got two of your babies and Grandpa and Neil to love on now. I can see you now dancing with Jesus- no more wheelchair, no more arthritis, no more lost memories. You are well, you are whole. Can’t wait to see you again 🙂

Where Do We Go From Here? (AKA Now What?)

Posted on May 13, 2012 by kimnjed

We’ve been home a little more than a week now. That was fast! I’m elbow deep into diapers, homeschooling, and “happy heart” chairing (our main method of dealing with meltdowns around here. “Oh, go sit in the happy heart chair until you can change your attitude and have a happy heart.” Seth and Havalah have spent an unfortunate amount of time in that chair this past week. Gotta love resetting the boundaries….), and Jed has been back to work since the morning after we landed. The question everyone is asking us is fresh in the front of our brains:

“Now what?”

Gooooood question! Here’s what I can tell you for now:

1. We know God wants our family in Ukraine.

2. We don’t know exactly when we will get there. We have a couple pesky things like a mortgage and jobs that need to be dealt with. 🙂

3. We don’t know how long He will want us in Ukraine. We are open to 2 years or 20 years. We won’t try to figure that one out on our own. I know for me personally, I will have to go with the mindset that I am there for good no matter how long we actually stay. I will have to root my hear there in order to be focused, otherwise I’m a grass is greener type of gal.

So, for now we wait on the Lord for His next steps for us and prepare however we can in the meantime. I’ve been like a crazy person this week purging my house. If we know we will eventually be leaving, we know we’ll have to get rid of a bunch of our junk. Why not start today? I mean really, do I need an entire tote full of nursing school care plans and assignments? Heck no. Do I really need doubles of every single picture taken in college? Probably not. My hair was really bad then anyway. I don’t need double the reminders. I also had chipmunk cheeks. Really! I showed Jed a picture and he said it looked like I was storing food for winter in my cheeks. Gee thanks…but it’s true…I’ll be the first to admit those were not my cutest days. What else would you expect after 4 years of living in the dorms and a really severe allergy/aversion to exercise? (I hate pain)

Oh my, the things we have saved over the years kill me. Have you ever gone back and read old journals from junior high and high school? If you need a good laugh or encouragement about how far you’ve come, read a few old journals. Oh the humiliation!!!! As I was sitting alone in my room reading old journals I actually found myself looking around in embarrassment as if someone would walk in at any moment and discover all the never-gonna-happen crushes I had back in the day. I think I better burn those suckers before Jed finds them. He’d never let me live it down.

Another step we’ve taken towards preparing for Ukraine is finding a Russian tutor! We haven’t met her face to face yet, but we found a woman who is a believer who agreed to teach us. She was a teacher in Russia and has lived in the States for 7 years. Before moving here she taught English to Russians, and Russian to Russians, but she’s never taught Russian as a second language before. This should be fun! We are very motivated to learn and know it is essential that we learn as much as we can in the time we have. We will meet her next week and get that ball rollin’.

Emotionally it’s been a hard week for me. I’m happier than happy to be with my kids. I’m so happy to see family and friends. All that is wonderful and amazing. There’s just one problem. I left a ginormous piece of my heart in Ukraine. I know Jed did too. It’s just really difficult to have seen a part of the need and to know it’s still happening today, right this second, and we aren’t there to help. I’m not saying we are the saviors, or we can fly in and fix everything there with our magic fairy dust, by no means am I saying that. We just know God called us to that work and we want to help, hands on, right now. But, at the same time we want to continue waiting on the Lord and letting Him guide this thing. His timing is everything. His plan is at work and we want to stay right in the middle of it and not make our own way. It’s emotionally tiring though. I want to just stick a For Sale sign in my yard tomorrow and be done with it. Good thing I’ve got Jed to reign me in.

So, that’s where we’re goin’ from here. We’ll keep you posted as things continue to unfold. In the meantime I’ll just keep weeding through embarrassing reminders of 1994-2001. If you were my friend at any point during that time, shame on you for not telling me my hair was so bad. On the other hand, maybe I should thank you for looking past my wings, perms, bandanas, Patty Duke flip, and HUGE bangs and loving the real me hiding behind the fluff. 🙂

Good night!

Introducing….Our Son!

Posted on March 28, 2012 by kimnjed

Seth David

Last Wednesday, March 21st at 4:00 we went to court and Seth was legally declared our son. Words cannot describe all the feelings that come along with that. We have loved Seth since we first laid eyes on him. It wasn’t long before we knew we wanted to keep him forever. There were so many tears, so many ups and downs along the process. Many people- people with power, said it was impossible. Evidently God has a bit more power than they. 🙂

Seth at 2 days old, the first day we met

Seth, 2 months old

No longer is Seth’s heritage one of addiction, abuse, and neglect. No longer is he cast aside, unwanted. No longer is he a ward of the state. He is our son. He is loved and wanted more than he will ever realize. He now has full access to the God-fearing, Jesus-serving heritage that Jed and I have been blessed with. That all belongs to Seth now! We have no idea what effect his past abuses will have on him as he grows, but it doesn’t matter one stinkin’ bit. He is our son and we will always love him. We will always choose him.


Seth and Daddy, Christmas 2010


Seth and Mommy, March 2011

Christmas 2011

Spring 2012

The day they announced Seth was our son I felt different. I told Jed that I felt like I loved him more. Jed said “You don’t love him more, you just love him without fear”. That is total truth. As much as I loved Seth before, I know there was a bit of me that I was holding back. I was afraid he would be taken away again, and I guess it was like a subconscious self-protection. I didn’t want to hold back, and I honestly didn’t think I was, but now I know different. I love him fully and completely now and it feels different. It feels AMAZING. He is my son and nothing will ever change that. Ever.

Thank you Jesus for the gift of our boy. He was plucked out, chosen, for a reason. I can’t wait to see what You have in store for him. 🙂

Our Family on Seth’s Adoption Day

Birthday Wishes for My Girl

Posted on February 3, 2012 by kimnjed

Eight years ago today I became a mommy! It seems like a lifetime ago. I remember heading to the hospital, freaking out that the time had really come. I was about to meet my baby for the first time. “It” was going to be either Samuel David or Adelina Mae. I secretly hoped to have a girl. 🙂 I knew I would be happy either way, but I longed for a girl. When they announced “It’s a girl!” My life was changed forever.

I love all my kids deeply. Of course I do! But I’m telling you, there is just something special about my firstborn. She’s my treasure, my guinea pig (so sorry Addie!), my little sidekick, my mini-me. She’s the most like me of all my kiddos. Sometimes that works against us, but most of the time it’s wonderful. We “get” each other.

So, today my Adelina Mae turns 8 years old!!


Cheerios- special birthday breakfast request. Why yes, she is very easy to please!!

For her birthday Addie has 3 wishes.

Wish #1- for her and Havalah (3 yr old little sis) to go together to get their ears pierced. Granted! We’re off to the mall as soon as it opens. Wish me luck!!!

Wish #2- a sleepover. Granted. Little friends heading over this evening for giggles and pillow fights.

Wish #3- Now this is where it gets tricky. In order for this wish to be granted I’ll need a little help from my friends. YOU! Addie would love love love to see this little one’s grant grow!

This sweet little baby is “Kelsey”. Her real name is confidential to protect her privacy. Kelsey lives in Eastern Europe and is available for adoption. Here is what Reeces Rainbow has to say about her:

Girl, born October 2011

“Kelsey is a sweet baby girl with Down syndrome. She does have a heart condition but her medical records indicate she should not need surgery. Kelsey knows her caregivers, smiles at them and plays with toys.

Married couples only, older parent and large families welcome, travel required.”

Isn’t she beautiful? Addie scrolled through all the pictures and this is the little one she chose, “because she’s so cute!”

Today Addie is being celebrated by family and friends. Would you join with our celebration by giving to Kelsey’s grant today? Any money you donate will go directly to a fund that will help get Kelsey home once she is chosen by an adoptive family. Adoption is a HUGE expense, so if these kiddos have money in their grant it takes some of the burden off of the family that goes to rescue them.

If you would like to donate to Kelsey’s fund go here.

No amount is too small! Every drop helps fill the bucket.

Even if you can’t give money, you can still help. Share this with your friends! What if someone you share this with is meant to be Kelsey’s mommy or daddy?? What if?

Now that would be the ultimate birthday wish come true!

Happy Birthday my sweet Adelina. I love you more than pickle-berry pie.

One Step Closer!

Posted on January 26, 2012 by kimnjed

Yesterday we got some adoption news! We hadn’t heard any news in months. I was starting to imagine our paperwork was actually lost in the abyss of the state offices. We got word that we have an Adoption Coordinator assigned to our case now. I have no idea what an Adoption Coordinator does, but hey, it’s more news than I had last week…so I’ll take it! Supposedly once they process those forms everything moves really quickly. I really really hope so!

Here’s a sneak peek of the cuteness. He loves all things chicken. The Little Red Hen, the real hens in our backyard, toy chickens, and yes- chicken as food. 🙂

He decided his toys needed to take a swim…

We also have good news about our April trip! We were finally able to make contact with a couple that we most wanted to meet with in country. This is the couple who’s work initially drew us to wanting to save up all our pennies to fly across the world. From what I know about them it seems they are doing exactly the type of work that we are passionate about. Even if we couldn’t make contact with them we were still making plans to go and meet with others, and we were happy about that, but the blessing of being able to meet with these specific people just about triples our excitement about this trip. WAHOOOOOOO!!

I’m slowly, and steadily making a bit of progress on language learning. OH MY WORD. Why can’t they speak Spanish where we’re going???? My brain feels a bit foggy with doing Spanish studies with the kids in the morning for their class, then doing my language study in the afternoon…I just know when we get there I’m going to be thinking in Spanish…or Albanian. Ha! My in-laws live in Kosova, so they speak Albanian there. It’s not like I’m fabulous at Albanian (not even semi-fab), but you know how international travel goes, your brain reverts to the last non-English language you learned. But, it’s not like we have a translator meeting us at the airport, so I better get my rear in gear!! I’ve been pretty faithful in my studies since the new year started, so Lord, please bless my efforts….HELP!!!!

On a less scary note, here’s some cuteness to sum up January.

Ez and Mommy had a date night